What did you want to be when you grew up?
An artist of some sort. Just so I could draw all day.
What’s the worst club you’ve been to?
I generally forget the shit ones, but one that occurs to me now is a place just outside Venice. The decks were on an open-air terrace in some sort of community centre, where various bored-looking people were sitting about eating and playing games, and there was a dog running about. About ten people danced. It felt like playing a family barbecue where nobody spoke to you.
What’s been your worst job?
Sealing envelopes for days. Mixing cement with a shovel. Folding T-shirts in a shop. All the usual crap one does before the music kicks in.
What are you obsessed with right now?
American Pickers [a US reality show that follows antique hunters]. I would love to do this. And the music of François de Roubaix.
When and where were you happiest?
Now. It’s pointless pining for the past; that will stop you dead in your tracks.
How do you describe what you do to someone who doesn’t know you?
I usually just say I make music. I don’t really big up what I do. People usually have to pull more information out of me! And these days, people of all ages generally understand the concept of someone making music and then playing it in “a dance”, so you rarely have to explain the nuts and bolts of being a DJ.
What’s the best record ever made?
It’s impossible to pick one song, or even one album, but a random pick from my all-time list is ‘The Thought Of Someone Else’ by Robert John. It’s so highly charged and beautiful, but also quite dark and strange; the chords lurch and become quite sinister. Or maybe The Flamingos’ version of ‘I Only Have Eyes For You’. That’s incredible.
What’s the coolest thing in your house?
A tray emblazoned with a 17th Century portrait of a monkey in a nobleman’s clothes. It was a gift from Boy 8-Bit.
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever had?
Mix your songs quietly, no louder than speaking volume. Turn it up now and again to enjoy it, but get it all sounding right at low volumes first. Oh, and avoid Kevin Smith’s movies.
Who’s your all-time hero and why?
At various times growing up I liked Pat Jennings, Ken Swift, Pete Rock, Lucio Fulci, David Axelrod, Carl Craig – all sorts of people. One person who I would definitely count as a hero, though, is my dad.
What do you collect – apart from records?
I don’t collect much stuff any more. I used to collect 70s and 80s horror movies but I ran out of decent ones to buy. Even the not so decent ones. Then I almost ran out of shit ones, too.
What were you doing at 2pm last Sunday afternoon?
Coming back from Heathrow. It’s dry but it’s true. A few more journeys and they’ll let me drive the train.
What’s your answer to everything?
Have you got an instrumental?
What’s the most precious thing you’ve still got from when you were a kid?
Either my Where The Wild Things Are book or a Peter Rabbit mug. I don’t have much stuff from when I was a kid. Ah no – the photographs. They are the most prized thing.
Have you ever had a homosexual experience?
I once watched Annie Get Your Gun six times in a row.
What was your last treat for yourself?
Does a cup of coffee count? I live a Spartan existence.
What do you spend your money on?
Unicorn tears and mermaid scales.
What can’t you live without?
My wife. Laughter.
What would you change about yourself if you could?
I’d be more happy-go-lucky, less bothered about stuff. Actually, no – then I’d not be me.
What’s the worst item of clothing you’ve ever worn?
I went through my wardrobes a few weeks ago, to bin a load of stuff. Wow. There were some absolute shockers lurking in there. Some of the sunglasses were terrible. But I can’t actually bring myself to write about the worst item. It’s like writing about a traumatic episode from one’s past. The wounds are still raw – the idea that I actually WORE that piece of shit. Jesus.
If you had a Tardis, what time would you go to?
Definitely not backwards. I’m not into nostalgia. Nothing’s as good as the present moment. Possibly several million years into the future, to see how and if humans evolved. I’m fascinated by books that speculate on this: Olaf Stapledon’s Last And First Men and Stephen Baxter’s Evolution.
What’s your lamest claim to fame?
I was the winner in Tim Westwood’s first ever radio phone-in competition.
Fake Blood’s new album ‘Cells’ is out now on Different Recordings