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There are many types of DJ, argues Kristan Caryl, but even more types of DJ tweeters
When you start using Twitter, your favourite DJs seem the obvious choice of people to fill your timeline. But there are a number of types of DJ tweeter and few are more worthy of attention than that twisted YouTube video of a Doncaster rave circa 1992.
That most cherished underground producer who you’ve physically followed from club to club will turn out to be someone you hate just because he can’t defecate without reporting back on its consistency.
There are also the forever hard done-by online personas, those melancholic techno-emos who constantly weep about having promos to check (our heart bleeds), how “proper house just doesn’t exist anymore” and the strife of another sodding airport.
Some producers are plain liars, tweeting about their ‘studio’ when you know really they’re tapping away on a laptop in their parents’ under-stair cupboard. Others like to cultivate a mysterious vibe, tweeting obscure Japanese videos, random pronouns and drug related emotions. If only they put the same effort into their plastic, tech-house-by-numbers productions.
Many are just too nice, tweeting mind-numbingly boring thank yous to whichever city they played last night, oblivious to the fact that most people were actually there to see the headliner on after them.
Then there are those high-on-life, regurgitating fortune cookie style quotes (“It takes more than good memory to have good memories”) without any hint of irony, while in the opposite corner there are the dour, dreary types who think you actually give a shit about their armchair views on politics. “We need to stop this now!” they tweet about whatever Daily Mail headline they have read that morning. If the devil makes work for idle thumbs, Twitter is his chief employer.
Others can be loose cannons. For his unfettered, unaffected honesty, grime megastar Wiley uses Twitter to taunt labels, release music he shouldn’t and announce how much money he plans to make. In the wrong hands, such brazenness might come over as tastefully as a Danny Dyer at The Syndicate promo vid, but thankfully Wiley is a genuine rebel.
Some DJs tweets may even leave you concerned for their mental health. While anonymous producer Zomby is one of the most readable tweeters, his timeline is like an unfiltered stream of consciousness that rails against anyone and anything that rattles his cage. The electronic enigma is not shy on self-promotion either, re-tweeting any mention of his name, just in case you weren’t 100 per cent sure exactly how vital his contribution to the hardcore continuum has been.
Maybe all this is why it’s the fake DJ accounts that make such entertaining reading. Perhaps we should stick to just following DJs through their music and leave this portal into their inner psyches to the professionals; their long-suffering WAGs.