Bugged Out Weekender 2016: Laughing in the face of seriousness

It's 3pm Friday and I've just been bundled into a car outside Mixmag HQ. The CDJs and portable soundsystem are packed and once out of London, Omar S is blaring loudly from the stereo. It's a far cry from the same time Monday, when I'm sprawled embarrassingly across three chairs on the train, getting prodded by a conductor who needs to check my ticket and check if I'm still breathing.

Yup, it's January. The month of Bugged Out Weekender. One of the most unashamedly silly festivals on the circuit and one that's celebrating its fifth birthday this year.

When our crew arrive we feel the full force of the cold. Bognor Regis is freezing and a hangover in this weather is brutal. So why do so many people make the pilgrimage to Butlins every winter?

Firstly, the programming is pretty spot-on for the 18-25 crowd. Skream, Jackmaster, Hannah Wants and DJ EZ are among the main draws, with Ame, The Black Madonna, Joy Orbison and Gerd Janson being some of the connoisseurs' choices.

Secondly, the holiday park location is one of the most bizarre yet hilarious places to have a party. Butlins is intended for families and small children to have a pleasant, all-inclusive spring or summer break, so the giant arcade, seemingly never-ending rows of chalets and Burger King seem logical. For them.

All of this turns trippy when you spot a lad in a tracksuit passed out in one of the driving seats of the Mario Kart game. Or when you're walking around for an hour because you can't work out which one of the identical fucking apartments is yours. Or when you realise that the only things happening in Burger King are shocking selfies and one punter trying his best to chew a Double Rodeo burger.

The vibe of the weekend goes hand-in-hand with the seaside psychedelia. Both the DJs and ravers are fully up for it all weekend and spirits are high, regardless of weather, post-Christmas bank accounts or hangovers.

Bugged Out veteran Erol Alkan is our first port-of-call at The Escape on Friday night, one of the many carpeted arenas but also the smallest and most intimate. Once we've grabbed our double vodka Slush Puppy, it's to an already pretty-full dancefloor.

Erol provides one of the heavier sets of the weekend, franticly mixing tracks like 'Lack Of Love' by Charles B and his reworks of 'Waldorf' by Margot and 'Engine' by LA Priest, which he ended the set with. He's one of the only artists to have played every single weekender and as part of the family, we couldn't not go and check in.

Over on Centre Stage, Kurupt FM hilariously tee up their idol DJ EZ. But the master turns in a disappointing performance, his uber-tight mixing and head-spinning button mashing let down by too many chart hits. The crowd came expecting garage classics but are subject to 'Hotline Bling'. As I leave, one girl describes the set as "worse than getting dog shit on your shoe." EZ should have drawn for the Beddingfield.

Some quality fancy dress instantly puts a smile back on my face, though. One woman is going up to people asking if they "want an E" before handing out a small letter E made of felt, while her partner walks round with a flip-flop with ping-pong balls for googly eyes attached to a lead. After further investigation, the creation on the lead is called Phillipa-flop and she's been a massive success all weekend.

Paranoid London back in the Escape is the perfect leveler after EZ's stinker, with the duo's chunky acid and pumped-up basslines garnering cheers from everyone inside. A perfect festival act and the perfect contrast to Centre Stage.

At 4am we realise that we only have a few hours of dancing left so we make our way to Reds, everyone's favourite stinky carpet wonderland, to see what Joy Orbison and Gerd Janson can conjure up. One thing that's worth mentioning is that everyone is absolutely smashed now. Butlins seems to bring it out in people but this isn't as reserved as you'd expect for a January weekend: people are fucking having it and the b2b session is just the soundtrack we need. Tracks from Soundstream, KiNK, Alan Braxe and Denis Sulta showcase the pair's skills, with Joy O on particular form.

Anyone who's been to Bugged Out knows it's a game of two halves. You have the main arena and then the afterparties and we're really not sure which we prefer. On the one hand some of the world's best DJs are playing all night across three easily accessible stages but the flipside at the chalet means you can get your joggers on, invite your mates and carry on 'til your eyes hurt.

For some weird reason it's guilt-free as well. Everyone onsite is doing the same, people are smoking, cracking balloons and howling at the photo of John they've just taken, the one where his eyes are sneaking off in different directions. A hearty session at Butlins is always the one and after a few hours sleep and a visit to Papa Johns, it's time for round two.

DJ Koze and Novelist are two of the first sets at Reds on Saturday and both bring party vibes like no other. Koze is more thumping than expected, but as energetic and playful behind the decks as ever, dancing flamboyantly with a big grin before Big Nov takes the stage. Our forthcoming cover star announces it's his 19th birthday in seven days then bounces round the stage while Grandmixxer drops grime bombs.

Armand Van Helden joining Skream, Jackmaster and Eats Everything for a Bigger Than Jesus showcase in Centre Stage is exciting and every DJ brings their A-games.

Armand plays every notable 90s house track, making everyone smile ear-to-ear. It sounds cliché, but the potent mix of good gurners and confetti during 'You Don't Know Me' is absolutely incredible. It's a bit cheesy but it's fucking Butlins and that's exactly what we want.

When they all come together for the b2b spectacular, Armand appears to be a calming influence and the boys are all very well behaved. The mixing is tight, the bangers explosive and the stadium-sized act lives up to all expectations. Come 6am we're all ready for some more chalet action.

But wait, what about the organised crack-on provided by Bugged Out and Butlins? How can we forget Art's House, Artwork's afterhours session in Bar Rosso or "Yate's on a Saturday night" as one person says in the queue.

Yes, Artwork is once again a strong contender, if not the only appropriate recipient of this year's Star Player award. Every year at Bugged Out, he offers up his services as the ultimate utility man. Someone who will literally play any set offered and 9 times out of 10 he'll absolutely cane it.

Every night at Rosso he heads into his living room DJ booth to bash out disco, house and every classic in between, all with a luminous smile on his face. He is the spirit of Bugged Out in human form, a DJ who receives great joy by giving it to other people.

On the Sunday night he's one of the first selectors to play in Reds and we count 36 people there at the start of his set. Now, we know a lot of DJs that would be disheartened and deflated by having a near-empty room for their main set of the weekend, but not our boy Arthur. He started playing Musical Chairs with the ravers and even managed to get a conga line to weave its way round the entire room.

Sunday is a different beast entirely. About 50 per cent of people have left to make work on Monday and the remaining half are bang-up for the last day as there is still plenty of music to be enjoyed.

After the musical chairs in Reds, The Black Madonna puts in set of the weekend. Her energy is utterly infectious as she dances around and beautifully blends side-winding techno with face melting classics. 'Lazerbeams' by Green Velvet goes off and 'Under Pressure' by Bowie and Queen at the end is a much-needed injection of euphoria. Everyone falls in love with Marea Stamper, basically.

Bicep deliver fierce pace next, so much so that their closing set is extended by an hour. However it's King Kerri who wraps the festival up properly. He finishes things on Centre Stage and is incredible. Soulful house splashed with pianos raises more arms-in-the-air moments than a thousand Mexican waves. 'You're In My System' is a moment as our crew hugs each other and revels in joy.

Bugged Out Weekender isn't your average festival. It laughs in the face of the serious and gives it a slap with the absurd. There aren't many festivals where you can enjoy a main stage set from Kerri Chandler as much as dancing on the chalet balcony at midday to Sonique while the attendants in the car park watch on in disbelief.

We've been four times before and we can pretty much guarantee we'll be back next year for another go. Artwork will be giving it his all so really you have no excuse either.

Funster is Mixmag's Digital Music Editor, follow him on Twitter here

Patrick Hinton is Mixmag's Digital Intern, follow him on Twitter here