Chav dance: "the chip munk music speeded up like its fast forwarded on an 80's cassete player." Its absolutly shite!!! I'd perfer to gouge my eyes out with a wooden spoon than listen 2 that being played on the back of a bus.. or anywhere else for that matter!

I would ban that tw@t at the back of the dance floor whistling out of time to the entire tune thinking he is "enhancing" it.

Not a ban on Deodorant as such .. i would ban people who never put it on before coming out and dancing like Whirling Dervishes and stinking the place out .. go down the shop and spend a quid on a can you tight @rse git.

i hate the a$$holes who take their shirts off in clubs. there are special places for sweaty naked guys, so get the f*ck off "my" clubs

whooop, whooop.............whooop, whoop.............whoooop, whooop. Its rare to hear it these days, but ever time i think we have finally got rid of it some clubber brings there friend along who has never left his/her inbred village and feels they should add this terrible sound to give the club 'a fresh prince of bell air vibe'

yeah, there always the same steriod enhanced single male over 30 who is only there so people look at him. wow! look at your muscles! now we all know you have a shrivelled penis..............wouldn't say it to his face though.

champagne walkers, they just walk round the club all night, gold chain round neck, bottle of champagne in hand..........oooooooooh, you must be really rich! i bet your famous! tw@t, you've just spent your month mcdonald's salary....

ugly girls

People (mainly guys) who stand around looking at everyone at the dancefloor. get up and dance and stop making us look lyk twats!

You know, it's 2008 and you would think people would get a freaking clue that the rave scene is long gone, and it's time to retire some of its attire...Coming from Detroit, I see some of the best DJ's come here, with some great parties that go along with the DJ's, and there is nothing worse, than some douche bag swinging a glowstick around. What's even worse, is when the glowstick is attached to a long string and you have to move out of the way, for fear you'll get knocked in the head. That could REALLY ruin your night, and make you want to punch someone's teeth in. Second, is the people who walk around the club with those stupid wrap-around tinted glasses. This isn't Ibiza, and that look is sooo five years ago. When I see someone with those on, I just want to walk up to them and say, "dude, you don't look cool. The sun isn't out, so let it go...."

We definately need to ban those bloody Kanye West sunglasses. And djs that cant mix.

And how about banning those "Neon-colourgoth-rave" people in UV furry boots

Poppers. Please choose a substance which doesn't smell of a chemical factory on fire to give you a rush.

i've changed my mind, i sound so judgemental in my earlier comments. nothing should be banned, especially not the way people dress/look/sound/move. as long as everyone is having a good time then thats what counts..................even if you do look a prick.

I think u should ban the smelly bastard's that don't wear deodorant because it makes the place fuckin stink

you should ban the people who just stand there n don't attempt to dance. What's the point of goin clubbin if ur not goin to dance.

Excessive searches - Personally I'd like to get rid of them altogether but I understand the need to stop weapons getting into clubs. However do you have to take so long about it that we wait 3 hours to get in?

Making us wait in the queue when the club is empty - we freeze our nuts off and then when we do get inside it's doubly disappointing cos the club is empty!

Cocktails - I wouldn't ban them, but they should have their own bar, nothing worse than waiting behind someone ordering 10 cocktails when all you want is a bottle of water!

Paul Oakenfold - Whines about dance music saying it's not inspiring but still turns up to DJ badly and gets paid shitloads!

Minimal - It's just boring. Really, really boring.

Ban People Who Are So Selfconsciousif they look like a right knob dancing!

Its Dance Music! You should dance the way you want to!
Excentric & Over The Top!!!

people who take pictures every 5 minutes...not that this bothers me but it when you HEAR them say" this ones so going to be a great facebook(or bebo or any other social networking site) profile picture. I go clubbing to have a laugh and relax from the stress of working all week( and get mashed!) NOT TO LOOK COOL FOR RANDOM PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET.....YOU PEOPLE ARE NOT COOL AND NEVER WILL BE GET OVER YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!

Hello your Maj.,

If i were to banish a couple of vagrants, hanging around the gates of our clubland castle, to the fiery hell of your local student night and/or Lloyd's bar. They would be as follows:

1. Shot Girls, Tequila girls etc: If i wanted to get my hands on a test tube full of food coloring and chlorine i would just rob a hospital. No offense but i don't want to be hassled by the local wino when I'm at the cash point, then by the jovial big issue seller when I'm queuing in the rain and then by some strictly average blonde dressed as a cow girl when I'm in the club.

2. "Freshen up for the (insert any expletive describing female genitalia here)": If i wanted a lollipop for 2 quid and needed someone to squirt soap into my hands i wouldn't be in a club. I would be in a pram. What i want to know is do our fellow female clubbers' have a similar face lurking around their bogs?

3. Women. Only joking. Women on a hen party. Just because it is your last night out before you get hitched it dosen't mean i want to kiss you and your repulsive harem. Take your stupid, cock decorated head dress off and your comedic 'Mr Ed' teeth out. Oh no those are your real ones. And for god sake stop requesting songs you hear coming out of your twelve tear old daughters bedroom.

Will my prayers be answered? Probably not.

Elliott

Some great shouts there from everyone but I particularly enjoyed Elliott's 'repulsive harem' and Merlin's champagne-toting wannabes. Will be in touch with you both for your measurements!

I live in glasgow and i would ban all the ravers from shouting this at EVERY SINGLE BRAKDOWN. wanted to listen to a set from coloursfest on radio1 once and it never got played cos it contained "profanity" :X

In fairness I wouldn't set foot in a place that people strut about in with champagne. Those clubs are there for a reason, to keep champagne swilling pricks in one place so the rest of the clubs are free of them. Merlin should just go somewhere decent I reckon.

Erm..........i admit im a bit of a tart and do go VIP when i go out, but thats cause i am now old, married and have the money to do so. In VIP you will always see these wannabe people. So if you dont want to set foot in any well known club in london - or the world for that matter - (cause 99% have vip areas which are accsessable to anyone for a price). then don't. stay at your pikey rave in the woods somewhere listening to gabba techno. the fact is you proberly have been in most these clubs but didnt realise you could get in a vip area.

I can go and party on the main floor then when i want to, use a clean toilet with no que, sit down in my empty seat, and not que at a bar. In most cases it works out about £20 more than if you go normal entrance as drinks are included.

I want to party with everyone, rich, poor, black, white, male, female. but not people pretending to be something there not.

I am awaiting your reply saying 'Your to proud to go VIP' 'that makes you a wannabe cause you go there' ' i want to be with the real clubbers'

You were just wrong mate, thats all.

But what do you expect in a VIP part of the club apart from people drinking champers and pretending to be something they're not (or maybe some of them are)? Thats the crowd VIP areas attract.

You can't really moan about something that's to be expected. If you go to a VIP area you will meet these sort of people. So either accept it or don't go in there.

And no, I'm not a Gabba head. I like small clubs with a good athmosphere, music & people and hopefully not a VIP area in sight.

loads of stuff should be banned...

1. people who refer to Bassline / Garage music as "niche" also ban the whole style of music from clubs. (or make special "chav" clubs for it"

2. VIP areas should be banned, your there to go clubbing, you wont get the full effect in a vip area, if u wana sit and drink all night, go to the pub.

3. clubs where they make you take ur coat off and then have to pay to put it in their cloak room. tossers

4. I agree with banning hen parties where everyone is dressed up in ridiculous outfits and L plates, why would you wear L plates anyway? your a learner what? , go out to the bar's wearing that instead

5. DJ's who dont play dance music instead, they play pop music and other bollocks all night, and cant mix it for toffee, and playing music from a laptop should be banned, yes anyone can mix with vDJ or traktor...learn the real way.

6. people with attitudes, your out for a good night not for a fight with some asshat who doesnt like the way u accidentally gurned at them.

7. Ban clubs from having hot water Only taps in their toilets, your overheating, the queue for the bar is a mile long and a bottle of water is £2.50 a time, your gonna die unless u get cold water like now, not good (gatecrasher in sheffield is somewhere u cant get free cold water) i think it should be law that there must be somewhere you can obtain free cold water other than at the bar.

8. Ban all microphones from nightclubs (unless its an mc mc'ing to drum n bass) your there to listen to music not some cocaine or crack induced banter.

FATTIES

CANADIANS WITH BACKPACKS

THE WORD "CLUBBING"

VIP AREAS (AKA TOOL CENTRAL FOR NON VIP'S)

CHEESY MIXOLOGISTS

DOLLYBIRDS

FATTIES

CANADIANS WITH BACKPACKS

THE WORD "CLUBBING"

VIP AREAS (AKA TOOL CENTRAL FOR NON VIP'S)

CHEESY MIXOLOGISTS

DOLLYBIRDS

VIP AREA'S

PRETTY BOYS POUTING FOR THE TILLLATE.COM CAMERAS

FUNKY HOUSE

DJ'S DROPPING 'NOSTALGIC' 90'S TRANCE TUNE END OF THE SET.